Silence

Every minute of every day my children and I fight our emotions and our grief. We are breathing – We are living one moment at a time. We are doing the hardest thing a human being can do – live without the person we love more than anything. We fight a brave fight. We are grieving….

Dear Travis

Dear Travis, I sit here by myself again, alone.  In the past this was the time that I eagerly awaited during our busy days.  This was the time that I could snuggle next to you on the couch downstairs, laying my head on your chest, hear your heart beating rapidly and feel your every breath….

forever yours

I finished another book about grief.  At times- I feel as if I am reading a book about myself and our family.  All the books continue to tell me that not everyone grieves the same- it takes time to grieve- it is like a ocean full of waves, the waves will continue to hit you…

Future

Today was another day full of tidal waves and “episodes”.  Samantha was sick during the night/ poor thing was throwing up at 4:30. It reminded me of how Travis and I would take turns staying home from work if the children were sick.   He was such a wonderful father.  So loving and caring.  …

Empty

We survived our first Christmas without Travis.  All four of us had a few moments of tears. On Christmas Eve I received a letter in the mail from a local granite company asking if I’d like to purchase a tombstone….. Talk about poor timing! On the 23rd, I recieve a text from the funeral home…

I was lucky

41 days Since I last saw Travis. I woke up today thinking that I would do my best to control my emotions…. I failed miserably. It all started  did it work this morning. After my second cup of coffee and went to the bathroom and started to sob when I was sitting on the toilet….

I have purpose

I am sitting here while Samantha is in counseling.   I am soooo grateful that our free spirited, beautiful daughter has asked to speak to someone about all that is occurring in her life.  I so worry about our children.  I worry about all the “research” our there. The importance of getting them help. The…

Purpose

Yesterday, we completed the ice rink in our back yard for Jacob.   He had asked Travis to build him an ice rink.   Jacobs uncle Brian and cousin Austin helped build the rink.  They, grandpa and grandma helped fill our monstrous outline with over 7000 gallons of water.   Travis must be either smiling…

Unanswered questions

I have received calls from the atv insurance company.  They believe Travis may have hit something on the left front bumper of the atv.   They think it then rolled to the right.  They think- they think- they can’t say for sure. My mind races with unanswered questions.  What caused the atv roll over? Did…

One More Time

Today marks the one month anniversary from when I last saw Travis. People say it will take time to grieve and heal.  I don’t think I will ever heal. Grieving has so many emotions and faces.  At one moment I feel a little stronger and then I am hit with a tsunami of sadness and…

He’s NEVER coming back

As I was driving home today from meeting an attorney- it hit me.  At the intersection of Demers and 34th, it hit me.  He will never be coming home.  He won’t see our children ever again. He won’t see the trees we decorated or the lights that Jacob and I hung on our house yesterday….

Firsts without our love

Happy Thanksgiving from The Voracheks! Every year our family hosts Thanksgiving for our families (the Vorachek’s and Kadlecs). Our home is overflowing with love and laughter. Grandpa’s, Grandma’s, Great Grandma Annie, Cousins, Aunts and Uncles will sit and talk for hours- laughing and sharing their stories. Yesterday- was our first Thanksgiving and first holiday without…