Dearest Travis, On your first Valentine’s Day in heaven- it will be 100 days from the last time I saw you. 100 days from when I last heard your voice. It feels as if it has been 100’s of months and years…. You are my greatest love, my one and only love. As our wedding…
Tag: death
Forever is a very long time
Its been a while since I have written. The days have become a blur. Last week, my counselor described my actions as rather robotic: “You wake up, you go to work, you cook, you clean, you take care of your children, yet you are not truly present, you are like a robot”. I feel numb…
“It’s time to move on”
I have read in various books or sites that people will say words that may offend my or my children regarding our grief. I never imagined it would be the person who did. Last night I was told that “it’s time to move on”. Luckily I was told this on the phone. The caller was…
It’s just a pickup
During the last few months of Travis life- he and samantha were looking for her first vehicle. They would text each other and make quick trips to various dealerships. For the longest time- samantha wanted a “truck”. I faintly recall samantha barely being able to produce the words “can I have his truck?”…
Dear Travis
Dear Travis, I sit here by myself again, alone. In the past this was the time that I eagerly awaited during our busy days. This was the time that I could snuggle next to you on the couch downstairs, laying my head on your chest, hear your heart beating rapidly and feel your every breath….
forever yours
I finished another book about grief. At times- I feel as if I am reading a book about myself and our family. All the books continue to tell me that not everyone grieves the same- it takes time to grieve- it is like a ocean full of waves, the waves will continue to hit you…
Future
Today was another day full of tidal waves and “episodes”. Samantha was sick during the night/ poor thing was throwing up at 4:30. It reminded me of how Travis and I would take turns staying home from work if the children were sick. He was such a wonderful father. So loving and caring. …
Empty
We survived our first Christmas without Travis. All four of us had a few moments of tears. On Christmas Eve I received a letter in the mail from a local granite company asking if I’d like to purchase a tombstone….. Talk about poor timing! On the 23rd, I recieve a text from the funeral home…
I was lucky
41 days Since I last saw Travis. I woke up today thinking that I would do my best to control my emotions…. I failed miserably. It all started did it work this morning. After my second cup of coffee and went to the bathroom and started to sob when I was sitting on the toilet….
I have purpose
I am sitting here while Samantha is in counseling. I am soooo grateful that our free spirited, beautiful daughter has asked to speak to someone about all that is occurring in her life. I so worry about our children. I worry about all the “research” our there. The importance of getting them help. The…
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