44 days. It was 44 days ago I spoke with the love of my life. It was 44 days ago they knew for a fact he was alive. It was 44 days ago I could hear his voice and sense the twinkle in his smile. I have really been struggling the past 24 hours. I’m…
Jacob scores again!
The past few days have been difficult. Yesterday I received a call medical corner. He will be signing the death certificate and the autopsy is complete. Why is it that I still sometimes think this is all a dream? Even when I have his ashes and soon receiving a death certificate, I still feel my…
I was lucky
41 days Since I last saw Travis. I woke up today thinking that I would do my best to control my emotions…. I failed miserably. It all started did it work this morning. After my second cup of coffee and went to the bathroom and started to sob when I was sitting on the toilet….
I have purpose
I am sitting here while Samantha is in counseling. I am soooo grateful that our free spirited, beautiful daughter has asked to speak to someone about all that is occurring in her life. I so worry about our children. I worry about all the “research” our there. The importance of getting them help. The…
Purpose
Yesterday, we completed the ice rink in our back yard for Jacob. He had asked Travis to build him an ice rink. Jacobs uncle Brian and cousin Austin helped build the rink. They, grandpa and grandma helped fill our monstrous outline with over 7000 gallons of water. Travis must be either smiling…
Unanswered questions
I have received calls from the atv insurance company. They believe Travis may have hit something on the left front bumper of the atv. They think it then rolled to the right. They think- they think- they can’t say for sure. My mind races with unanswered questions. What caused the atv roll over? Did…
One More Time
Today marks the one month anniversary from when I last saw Travis. People say it will take time to grieve and heal. I don’t think I will ever heal. Grieving has so many emotions and faces. At one moment I feel a little stronger and then I am hit with a tsunami of sadness and…
He’s NEVER coming back
As I was driving home today from meeting an attorney- it hit me. At the intersection of Demers and 34th, it hit me. He will never be coming home. He won’t see our children ever again. He won’t see the trees we decorated or the lights that Jacob and I hung on our house yesterday….
Firsts without our love
Happy Thanksgiving from The Voracheks! Every year our family hosts Thanksgiving for our families (the Vorachek’s and Kadlecs). Our home is overflowing with love and laughter. Grandpa’s, Grandma’s, Great Grandma Annie, Cousins, Aunts and Uncles will sit and talk for hours- laughing and sharing their stories. Yesterday- was our first Thanksgiving and first holiday without…
D-A-B-D-A
Back in the early 1990’s, I attended UND for nursing. I remember learning about the different stages of grief. My nursing classmates and I used the acronym- DABDA (Denial- Anger- Bargaining- Depression- Acceptance). Grief has many emotions and faces. I share with our children these different stages. A person can bounce between the stages- they…
The hidden present
As I sit here and write, I hear boys, Jacob and friends, downstairs laughing and sharing stories. My middle daughter, Samantha is in the TV room watching a movie with her two good friends. Sydney Ann, our oldest is at her college home. I sit in the piano room looking out the window. I feel soo alone….
The Last Gift
The past few days have been extremely difficult. I find myself talking to Travis. I kiss his urn every morning and throughout the day. I hold the urn and weep and share my thoughts and ask him questions. One would think Im going nuts- holding my dead husbands urn. The silver lined urn is slowly…
5packstrong 