Its been a while since I have written. The days have become a blur. Last week, my counselor described my actions as rather robotic: “You wake up, you go to work, you cook, you clean, you take care of your children, yet you are not truly present, you are like a robot”. I feel numb…
“It’s time to move on”
I have read in various books or sites that people will say words that may offend my or my children regarding our grief. I never imagined it would be the person who did. Last night I was told that “it’s time to move on”. Luckily I was told this on the phone. The caller was…
It’s just a pickup
During the last few months of Travis life- he and samantha were looking for her first vehicle. They would text each other and make quick trips to various dealerships. For the longest time- samantha wanted a “truck”. I faintly recall samantha barely being able to produce the words “can I have his truck?”…
He scores again!
As I sit here after Jacobs 2nd game of the hockey tourney,I cannot get Travis out of my mind. It was two months ago today that we found his body. We booked a hotel for this weekend when we received Jacobs hockey schedule-we booked all the hotels. A time for us to have fun and…
I need to “March on”
AIt isn’t getting any easier. My “episodes” as I call the tidal waves of emotions are more frequent. I am so bitter and angry one moment and within minutes, I am so utterly and completely alone. I feel that I have lost a part of myself. My heart is literally shattered into pieces. I lost…
Dear Travis
Dear Travis, I sit here by myself again, alone. In the past this was the time that I eagerly awaited during our busy days. This was the time that I could snuggle next to you on the couch downstairs, laying my head on your chest, hear your heart beating rapidly and feel your every breath….
forever yours
I finished another book about grief. At times- I feel as if I am reading a book about myself and our family. All the books continue to tell me that not everyone grieves the same- it takes time to grieve- it is like a ocean full of waves, the waves will continue to hit you…
Future
Today was another day full of tidal waves and “episodes”. Samantha was sick during the night/ poor thing was throwing up at 4:30. It reminded me of how Travis and I would take turns staying home from work if the children were sick. He was such a wonderful father. So loving and caring. …
Empty
We survived our first Christmas without Travis. All four of us had a few moments of tears. On Christmas Eve I received a letter in the mail from a local granite company asking if I’d like to purchase a tombstone….. Talk about poor timing! On the 23rd, I recieve a text from the funeral home…
There are no words
I just received a text from the funeral home director that Travis death certificate is ready. The day before Christmas- I will be picking up his death certificate. The day before Thanksgiving- we recieved his belongings from the sheriffs office. All his items were in paper bags. The clothes that he wore- covered in mud- barely…
5packstrong 