“It’s time to move on”

I have read in various books or sites that people will say words that may offend my or my children regarding our grief. I never imagined it would be the person who did.  Last night I was told that “it’s time to move on”.  Luckily I was told this on the phone.  The caller was…

80 days

Tomorrow it will be 80 days.   80 days since I last saw Travis.   80 days since I last heard his voice.   For the past 80 days, I have cried my self to sleep. I have wept frequently throughout each day. I awake each morning living my virtual hell and turmoil, trying to…

It’s just a pickup

During the last few months of Travis life- he and samantha were looking for her first vehicle.   They would text each other and make quick trips to various dealerships.   For the longest time- samantha wanted a “truck”. I faintly recall samantha barely being able to produce the words “can I have his truck?”…

Silence

Every minute of every day my children and I fight our emotions and our grief. We are breathing – We are living one moment at a time. We are doing the hardest thing a human being can do – live without the person we love more than anything. We fight a brave fight. We are grieving….

He scores again!

As I sit here after Jacobs 2nd game of the hockey tourney,I cannot get Travis out of my mind. It was two months ago today that we found his body. We booked a hotel for this weekend when we received Jacobs hockey schedule-we booked all the hotels.  A time for us to have fun and…

I need to “March on”

AIt isn’t getting any easier.   My “episodes” as I call the tidal waves of emotions are more frequent.  I am so bitter and angry one moment and within minutes, I am so utterly and completely alone.  I feel that I have lost a part of myself.  My heart is literally shattered into pieces. I lost…

Dear Travis

Dear Travis, I sit here by myself again, alone.  In the past this was the time that I eagerly awaited during our busy days.  This was the time that I could snuggle next to you on the couch downstairs, laying my head on your chest, hear your heart beating rapidly and feel your every breath….

forever yours

I finished another book about grief.  At times- I feel as if I am reading a book about myself and our family.  All the books continue to tell me that not everyone grieves the same- it takes time to grieve- it is like a ocean full of waves, the waves will continue to hit you…

Future

Today was another day full of tidal waves and “episodes”.  Samantha was sick during the night/ poor thing was throwing up at 4:30. It reminded me of how Travis and I would take turns staying home from work if the children were sick.   He was such a wonderful father.  So loving and caring.  …

Empty

We survived our first Christmas without Travis.  All four of us had a few moments of tears. On Christmas Eve I received a letter in the mail from a local granite company asking if I’d like to purchase a tombstone….. Talk about poor timing! On the 23rd, I recieve a text from the funeral home…

There are no words

I just received a text from the funeral home director that Travis death certificate is ready. The day before  Christmas- I will be picking up his death certificate. The day before Thanksgiving- we recieved his belongings from the sheriffs office. All his items were in paper bags. The clothes that he wore- covered in mud- barely…

March on

44 days. It was 44 days ago I spoke with the love of my life. It was 44 days ago they knew for a fact he was alive. It was 44 days ago  I could hear his voice and sense the twinkle in his smile.  I have really been struggling the past 24 hours. I’m…