I have read in various books or sites that people will say words that may offend my or my children regarding our grief. I never imagined it would be the person who did. Last night I was told that “it’s time to move on”. Luckily I was told this on the phone. The caller was not able to see the despair and hurt in my eyes. They were not able to see the anger and tears fall immediately after their piercing words.
Move on—- my initial reaction was to talk back and say “are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what my children and I have been feeling for the past 82 days? What our families are feeling?”
I was outraged that this intelligent person was telling me that I have grieved enough and now my time is done. This person was someone miraculously able to determine what I am feeling and what I need. This person is able to know that I should feel all better about Travis unexpected death and move on.
Sorry if I am ranting, but this is not what a person needs to hear when they have lost a love one. This is why people grieve in silence and don’t share their feelings with others. Who is anyone to say how long someone should grieve? Who gives another the right to tell someone how to grieve?
I immediately spoke out to Travis. I imagined what he would tell me if he were physically with me. “Julie- their ignorant- they don’t know any better- it doesn’t matter what they say- you do what you feel is right”. Travis is gone and he is still giving me advice. How awesome is that? He’s gone and I sense his presence at times.
A part of me wants to educate and help this ignorant person. They’ve never experienced such profound loss. How would they know? Maybe I use the social media so I can let others know that it’s ok to share ones grief, everyone feels differently, they still go on living, but in a different way. I want others to know that talking about your grief and loss does help. It helps ones self and it may also help others whom have experienced such loss.