As I sit here after Jacobs 2nd game of the hockey tourney,I cannot get Travis out of my mind. It was two months ago today that we found his body.

We booked a hotel for this weekend when we received Jacobs hockey schedule-we booked all the hotels.  A time for us to have fun and be a family.  We were so looking forward to watching Jacob play his first year of hockey.

Since Jacob was little- he wanted to play hockey.  Travis and I said “no” for a variety of reasons.   This summer – I recall Jacob asking again and Travis said “sure- let’s try it!” Jacob has never skated- he’s never owned a pair of skates. I think he actually ice skated one or two times with his sisters figure skates?

This late summer, Jacob took private lessons to learn proper stick handling and to also give him a feel of what hockey would be like.   He did a league which was 3v3. Travis watched all the league games.  I reall paying $20 for a pair of used hockey skates this august from Jacobs soccer buddy. On November 4th we leased Jacobs first pair of new hockey Skates.  This was two days from Travis going missing.  I remember going to the parent meeting with Travis.    Hockey was Travis and Jacobs thing to do together.  They would do all the practices and organize everything

Travis was sending me Info on a new iPhone app about hockey just a week prior to him missing. The night Travis went missing/ he called Jacob asking about hockey practice and told Jacob that he was very excited to see his first hockey game the following week.

Jacob missed his teams hockey game for his dad was found dead just a few days prior.  Jacob went to hockey practice the day after we found Travis.  I like to think it helps Jacob. He can put his agreession and anger into skating fast and hitting the crap out of the puck.   Travis never saw Jacob play a game.

During his first game- I recall crying and sobbing – being mad that Travis wasn’t there.   When Jacob scored his first goal- I wept wishing Travis could have been physically present.

Today-Jacob scored again!  His 5th goal. I can see Travis in Jacob.  Travis was a great athlete and I see Jacob is the same way.  Travis could try almost any sport and would excel. Jacob has improved tremendously in the past 5 months of playing hockey!!! Travis would be soooo proud.  Jacobs coaches cannot get over the fact that he just learned to skate.   I am sooooo proud.

this weekend/ I cancelled our hotel. I’m trying to watch our spending.  Between games- we are at my sisters home- in the past Travis and Jacob would have been playing games at the local scheels sporting store.

Our lives are forever changed.    Our future is completely different.   We are trying to create our “new normal”.  Our new lives with out our Travis.

Jacob has shared with me that he “talks” to Travis when he is playing hockey or soccer.  I like the think Travis is an angel and skating or running with Jacob on the field or on the ice.   He is soooo much like his father.  👼🏼