So much has occurred since I last wrote, yet, it seems like yesterday I received the gut wrenching call that Travis was missing. During the past 2.10 years, my children, our families and I have learned much about grief and unexpected loss. Our society is broken in the way it deals with grief. Travis’s death…
I will make it
My heart continues to break daily. At times- I feel so utterly alone, physically alone. When the children are in bed and I lay on Travis side of the bed. I cling to his pillows covered in his tshirts…. I weep. I weep silently so the children will not hear me. I weep because I…
The things I have learned
It has been over 800 days that Travis has been gone. If I am honest some days are still unbearable. My entire body aches missing him. There are days like today that I would do anything, absolutely anything to bring him back. I’ve been in counseling since his death. At one time I was seeing…
Two years
Exactly two years ago at 8pm was the last time I heard travis voice. Like others, our families and our children endured an unexpected loss. It didn’t happen for a reason, God didn’t need him more, it doesn’t happen to make us stronger. It just happened. Our hearts were broken and cannot be fixed. During…
Signs
November 9, 2016: As I sit here, all by myself on the 1st anniversary of finding Travis body- I vividly recall events during those excruciating three days. Three days of uncertainty, three days of the emotional roller coaster. So much has happened- so much has changed – yet- so much is completely the same. …
Was it a dream?
I felt his strong arm around my waist as I lay in bed. I could feel his body next to mine. I had to be dreaming! Was it really him? I hesitated to turn toward him. I could feel his breath on my neck, my right cheek. I had to be dreaming! Scared to have…
He is everywhere
As I near the one year anniversary of Travis death, the one year anniversary of his heavenly birth: my heart and mind are constantly consumed with emotions. Some that I cannot put into words. I look out into our backyard- the yard that he would frequently inspect for weeds- crab grass- anything out of the…
loneliness
I haven’t written for a while. The month of July was one of great emotion and bouts of numerous tidal waves. I kept myself busy, almost to the point of exhaustion, it didn’t make the feelings stay away, the emotions still took over, the pain still pierced. Today- my counselor stated I am entering a…
Thunder and lightening
It has been almost eight months since finding Travis body. 232 days since I last saw the love of my entire being. My mind and heart are slowly realizing the realism- he is not coming back. I try to be strong for my children- yet I have failed. It hurts them to see me…
28 years ago
28 years ago today…..our relationship started at Park River High School 1988 Home Economics class. I don’t really recall learning much- for my main focus was the handsome senior who sat near me and stole my heart. Maybe that’s why I can’t cook to this day? I remember the twinkle in his eye and smile….
5packstrong 